


Roll The Bones

by Kalloway



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Continuity - Pre-Canon, Friends With Benefits, Iddy Iddy Bang Bang 2020, M/M, Other: See Story Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:42:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26527678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalloway/pseuds/Kalloway
Summary: Shiro, looking for a place to meditate, finds somebody else's place. From there, he finds a mentor he didn't expect and relaxes along the way.
Relationships: Roy Fokker/Shiro
Kudos: 2
Collections: Iddy Iddy Bang Bang! 2020, The Lemonade Cafe





	Roll The Bones

**Author's Note:**

> This was started somewhere in early-mid 2017. And then got shoved in a virtual drawer. I'd meant it to be some backstory for Shiro, and a bit of extra characterization because at that point he'd kinda been 'spare socks' in official material. Well, anyway, I kept not getting it done and more seasons kept coming out and I think we all know what happened... So this is very much an alternate continuity, with a different take on Shiro, as imagined back then. 
> 
> Thank you to taichara for cheerleading/terriblariousness/ _the title_ , and thank you to Press 2 for making me stand there for hours with nothing better to do than start writing this in a tiny pocket notebook. You're both the best.

There were still nice, quiet, private places around the outskirts of the Garrison. Shiro knew that, or at least he hoped it was true. 

But Shiro, sorely in need of a nice, quiet, private place of his own had unfortunately managed to find somebody else's. 

He wasn't surprised - Shiro knew he certainly wasn't the first person who needed a little space to think that was outside of the Garrison's walls. Whoever had claimed the spot first seemed to visit it at a different time of day than Shiro, at least. Three days and three visits had passed before Shiro was even completely sure that it did have another regular guest. 

The sun had barely risen when he made for the little path up to the half-shielded rocky outcrop. A few bits of desert scrub were trying to grow up around the natural bench he'd found, but they didn't seem to be having much luck. 

It was going to be a long day. Every day had been long since he'd been chosen for the upcoming Kerberos Mission. Shiro couldn't complain about any of the endless meetings or simulators or medical assessments - this was what he'd always wanted. He was excited... Excited and terrified and maybe a little frustrated... 

There, shaded from the early-morning sun, Shiro did his best to relax and try to meditate. So far he'd only managed to work through his schedule for the day. At least he felt good about that. Then it'd be the weekend and he'd already promised to see a movie with Matt (six months old, in the Garrison basement, but it was something and the popcorn was free) and also wanted to write a new simulator routine for Keith, a cadet he'd befriended not long after arrival. 

Maybe he'd just think about the simulator routine. Keith needed a challenge. Shiro knew he could give him one. 

It was only when Shiro stood to leave that he noticed that the small, dark spot on the ground that he'd noticed a couple of days before was still there and looked fresher. And, moving a tiny bit closer, he realized it smelled strongly of alcohol. 

So it definitely was somebody else's spot. It wasn't Shiro's business who was coming out away from it all to drink, but... he was curious. 

They day passed quickly, and the weekend even more so. Monday morning was marked by a short rain shower that nonetheless kept Shiro inside. Everybody at the Garrison had been warned, repeatedly, about the dangers of flash-floods in the desert. 

The evening, however, featured a beautiful sunset that Shiro could see from the window of his rather spartan quarters. As nice as it would have been to get to enjoy a bit of fresh air, there was a media interview that was absolutely mandatory that he had to leave for momentarily. He never said much during media interviews, which mostly focused on the Holts, however. He wasn't doing any of this for the attention. He also... never really knew what to say. He was a pilot. He was looking forward to the flight... 

In the morning, there was the burned-down stub of a candle and fresh alcohol. Shiro hadn't found a hideout, he realized. He'd found a memorial. 

Shiro knew he'd need to find another spot for himself. But first he thought he should leave an offering of his own. Flowers, maybe. Or incense. Candles? He was pretty sure he couldn't get any booze of his own without too many awkward questions... The other things wouldn't be too difficult - the commissary provided for the mix of cultures and faiths at the Garrison. 

Thankful for a canceled briefing and a chance to make a few purchases before the commissary clerk closed up for the evening, Shiro made the short hike to the rocky outcrop with a bag of everything he could think of to bring - minus the alcohol. 

The sunset was gorgeous again and distracted Shiro from the man already sitting on the rock bench. 

Instructor Roy Fokker didn't look surprised to see him. Shiro was thankful for the red cast in the sky to hide the blush he could clearly feel. 

"I, um..." Slowly, he held out the bag.

Instructor Fokker just laughed. 

"Sit, Shiro. Relax."

Silently, Shiro sat, glancing nervously between the sunset and the bag he was still clasping. 

"I..."

"Nice sunset."

"Yeah," Shiro replied. "Um... Instructor..."

"Just call me 'Roy'," Instructor Fokker - Roy - interjected. "Especially out here."

Shiro smiled and finally relaxed. "Roy," he said as he loosened his grip on the bag and set it in the space between them. "I found this place a couple of weeks ago, but I didn't realize it was... a memorial. I..." 

He gestured to the bag and after a too-long moment, Roy reached over to open it up and look inside. 

Shiro was not expecting him to laugh. 

"Covering all your bases, huh?" Roy questioned with a little headshake as he started pulling items out. "I didn't really mean it like that, you know? Just... come up here, pour one out for..."

Shiro did not miss the tone change in Roy's voice. 

"...everyone who isn't here to see these sunsets. Think a little, relax a little... Go back, grade tests, revise lesson plans, and go to bed."

"The candle?" Shiro questioned, gesturing with one foot towards the melted wax nub. 

"Had... a bit of anniversary over the weekend," Roy explained. "I was sorting through some things and hey, I've been here long enough to have things that I can't remember where they came from. Anyway, it seemed appropriate." 

"Oh...

"Well..."

Shiro wasn't sure of anything else to say and he didn't want to ask too many more questions. Already he'd barged into Roy's space and...

He shifted and quickly knelt on the dusty rock and started sorting items out of the bag. Incense and a holder and a couple tealights and some already-drooping flowers and...

A moment later, Roy was beside him and in silence, they built a little shrine around the original nub of wax. Roy, thankfully, had a lighter, which was the one thing Shiro had forgotten. 

"You're going to lose people." Roy sat back once the candles were lit, leaving Shiro to light the incense. His fingers brushed over Shiro's palm as he handed over the lighter. "This sort of life... you're going to lose people no matter how good you are, no matter what you do, no matter what you vow to yourself..."

Shiro didn't know what to say. He'd been lucky so far, probably too lucky. Even the runs he'd made to Mars had been almost too quiet... It was something he tried not to think about, though he knew that this mission would lead to other missions. And that at some point, he'd have to make difficult decisions and sometimes people would die. He knew...

He nearly fumbled the lighter, but in the end he got the tip of the incense stick burning a vibrant orange, its trail of thin smoke rising upwards to the sky. 

"I don't know if I'm too nervous or not nervous enough," Shiro admitted as he rocked back on his legs and then shifted to climb back up onto the ledge. Roy was a little slower getting back up onto their shared seat. There was a bit of awkwardness in his motions that Shiro had never noticed before. 

"As long as you're scared a little shitless, you're fine," Roy replied. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small flask. The first sip was his, and the next bit was poured onto the ground. Then he offered it to Shiro, half as a trade for his lighter, which Shiro finally handed back.

"No, but thanks." Shiro shook his head. He didn't think it'd be a bad idea, but... 

"I'd have to clear out a liquor store for what I should be offering."

Shiro couldn't help chuckling once Roy started chuckling. 

And then, in silence, they watched the warm colors from the sunset fade into the deep purples of night. The candles and incense had long-since burned out by the time they got up to leave.

"Feel free to visit whenever," Roy reminded him as they walked back. The wind was picking up, which made it hard to talk. Shiro didn't think another storm was blowing in, but he hoped he'd remember to check the forecast anyway. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Well, you brought gifts... everyone will be expecting you." 

With a wink, Roy headed off towards his section of staff quarters. And then, a moment later, Shiro made his way to the wing he was in. 

~*~

Despite his best attempts, Shiro only made it out to visit the memorial - it seemed like the easiest way to think about it - once before the weekend. He'd had his physical training regimen doubled, along with assigned reading about previous distance missions, had a nutritionist asking weird and invasive questions about all of his body functions, and in general just didn't have time to... have time. 

Though... buried in the virtual pile of reading, all of which was thankfully sent as digital files to his tablet, there were a few articles and book excerpts that featured a familiar name: Roy Fokker. 

Those, Shiro read late into the night. He also finally remembered to buy a cheap plastic lighter, green. 

Roy, Shiro discovered, had been involved with some of the Garrison's most important missions. He'd also served with a couple of different militaries and been involved with what was insinuated to be black ops. 

Shiro was starting to understand...

On top of everything, he'd promised Keith and another cadet, Max, something a little more difficult to practice on in the simulator since they'd both aced his last routine. He was running out of ideas. In another couple years, Shiro was pretty sure he'd be doing everything he could to get those two on his team. Especially Keith...

The weekend absolutely did not arrive fast enough. While Matt and his father had plans to spend two days at home with their family, Shiro was just looking forward to a bit of free time. 

Matt had pleasantly reminded him they'd have plenty of free time on the trip to Kerberos before slinging his bag over his shoulder and heading off. 

~*~

Shiro had dreamed of getting to the ship and not recognizing any of the controls and was still feeling a bit off-kilter when he woke on Saturday. It wasn't the best start to the weekend... 

Instead of anything exciting, he just spent a bit of time leaning over the shoulders of some of his favorite mechanics - he knew all the basics and could fix most anything in a pinch - and trying to catch up on more reading while running on a treadmill. At least there were no reporters and no one asking him about his bathroom habits. That made it a pretty good day, once he'd gotten his head clear. 

His schedule for the next week arrived just before sunset and after a quick glance, Shiro was glad he saw it before heading out to meet Roy. 

Yeah, after reading so much about Roy but not being in any sort of situation to actually talk to him, even for a few minutes, Shiro really did want to see him. He had incense, too, and a couple of blooms he'd nicked from one of the surprisingly robust marigolds that grew in pots near the cafeteria. 

This time, he arrived first. The wind had disturbed the shrine just a bit but Shiro quickly put it in order. There were plenty of smaller niches in, what Shiro supposed, was actually just one big niche. It wasn't really a cave, since it was far too shallow, but there was an overhang. Some of his mechanic friends could probably point out a spare metal box he could have so he could leave a few things... or stock up. 

He was making a lot of plans for a place that wasn't technically his...

"Evening."

Shiro looked up - he was still on his knees on the dusty rock floor - at Roy. 

"Yeah, um... I was just cleaning up."

Roy chuckled and offered Shiro the small bag he was holding before angling over to sit down. "I'm a little surprised you beat me. They've been running you hard..."

"You know...?"

"I hear plenty," Roy replied. Shiro opened the bag and took out a small saint statue. He wasn't sure who it was supposed to be; he really only knew the Virgin Mary and this definitely wasn't her. "You'll get into the habit, too."

"I'm sure I will. But not this next week. I'm scheduled to hop between near-orbit stations and the moon pretty much constantly," Shiro explained. He glanced back at Roy, who didn't seem to have any opinion on how to lay out anything, then put the saint beside the candles. It was a good thing he had space - he would never make it as an interior designer. 

"Well, when's the last time you flew something that wasn't the simulator?" Roy finally asked. 

Shiro opened his mouth to reply-- 

"Oh--"

This time, Roy chuckled. "Yeah, I remember those days. So busy doing my job I couldn't do my job."

"You've said something like that before," Shiro noted as he lit one candle. The second was easy to light from the first. "Ah-- I've been doing a lot of reading on previous missions and you come up a lot."

"So do a lot of other people." Roy's voice had an odd edge to it and Shiro didn't have to ask. Those were the ones this memorial was for. 

He lit the incense in silence and then, after putting out his flowers and-- three robust marigold blooms from Roy's bag-- he balled up the bag and shoved it in his pocket. 

Stretching, Shiro looked at the sunset for a long moment and then moved back to sit beside Roy. 

"I feel like I should be asking you so many things." Shiro said as he looked out at the dull orange washing over the landscape. 

"And?"

"I don't think I'll like any of the answers."

"You're probably right," Roy said. He chuckled and then pulled out his flask. "Or they're answers you need to find for yourself."

He took a long swig, then offered it to Shiro. 

"No... I..." 

"You're not flat-out forbidden until two weeks before a distance mission and honestly, they expect you to have a stiff-drink the night before." Roy was chuckling again. 

"It's not that-- Not really... But what if--" Shiro looked at Roy and shook his head. 

"What if what? You're on high alert and the enemy could attack at any moment even though things seem calm? Yeah, don't get shit-faced. But we're partway up a mountain just past a massive installation of people well-trained to deal with basically anything and the worst threat we currently have is whatever they put in the chili on Tuesdays." Roy stared long and hard at Shiro and deep down, Shiro knew Roy was right. There were times and places for things. 

"Maybe another time," Shiro finally managed. Roy was also right about the chili; Shiro was kind of happy he was going to be on the moon on Tuesday. 

Roy didn't reply. Instead, he reached over and tipped the flask, letting pale-colored alcohol spill onto the ground. 

Shiro tried to appreciate the sunset, but the more he looked at the sky, the more he wanted to be flying in it and beyond. It had been far too long since he'd seen the planet from space. This was what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, after all. 

Roy had reminded him...

He glanced over at Roy, who seemed to be lost in thoughts of his own.

~*~

Shiro wasn't sure why he hadn't realized he'd have a partner on his trip, but he knew he was beaming when Matt - dragging a month's worth of supplies, easily - met him in the hangar first thing Monday morning. They had been assigned a small, fast craft. It badly needed repainting, but Shiro wasn't going to complain about that. Matt didn't comment on the marks where its weapons had once been mounted. 

The first hour of the trip to the moon, their first stop, was a non-stop recap of Matt's weekend. From there, Shiro relaxed into the feel of the craft and started wondering when he'd get something to actually call his own. He'd seen pictures of some of Roy's fighters and shuttles, each intricately painted. Of course, that would mean deciding what he wanted painted... He supposed he'd need some sort of logo and that was just... embarrassing to think about. 

But this felt good, and right. And it would be good to get into space and meet with some of the other mission teams and see what they were working on. Kerberos was just one of many missions, after all, and the more Shiro thought about everything else going on... Well, he knew Kerberos was a big deal, but it was also a bit of a distraction from some of the larger projects that were taking quite a bit longer. It would make him into a household name, though; Matt too. 

He'd have to come up with some sort of symbol by the time they got back from Kerberos...

~*~

Exhausted and badly in need of a long, hot shower, Shiro was surprised that he and Matt had a small welcoming party gathered when they climbed out of the shuttle on Saturday morning. But there was Matt's father, a few of the base scientists, Keith, Max, and another handful of the cadets that Shiro supervised bonus training for, when he could. And, lingering back far enough in the hangar for plausible deniability, was Roy. Shiro gave him a little wave but he suspected it was lost when Matt's father hugged them both. 

While he'd been gone, new uniforms had been delivered that had Kerberos Mission patches stitched on them. There were t-shirts, too, and a stern memo that they were required for all media appearances. 

Shiro's bed was not a media appearance, thankfully. Once he'd put everything away and cleaned up, he climbed right in and fell fast asleep. 

At first, he thought he'd slept clear through to morning. But no, not unless his room had suddenly been repositioned, the sun was in the wrong spot. He'd thankfully only slept til evening, though Shiro felt like he could probably sleep another eight hours in the very near future. 

While visiting stations, Shiro and Matt had spent a lot of time discussing using 28-hour days instead of 24 for the mission. They hadn't made a firm decision, but they had watched the better part of a 28-hour day in action and liked the way it worked. 

It would be something to keep discussing, he supposed, when he didn't just want it for the extra sleep.

After another shower, Shiro raced to the cafeteria to get served before it closed. Before he left, he nicked a couple more marigold blooms. It wasn't much, but it was something. 

Then, he headed for the cliffs. 

The sun was nearly down by the time he reached the memorial, but Roy was still there. 

"I didn't think I'd see you," Roy admitted. "Welcome back."

"It's nice to be back," Shiro replied as he glanced from the deep pinks of the sky to Roy. "But it was really nice to be out there. If I didn't feel just shy of half-dead, I'd say I really feel alive."

Roy chuckled. "That makes me want to commandeer us a couple of planes and have a little fun."

"Can you--?"

"Absolutely, once you're not running on fumes," Roy interrupted. "So how's the moon doing these days?"

"The same as last time, though the push to export their awful fancy cheese is really obnoxious. They want us to take it on the mission and if so much as a cube of it ends up anywhere near our ship..." Shiro shook his head. "And our mission uniforms arrived..."

"Used to have a lot of those." Roy took a swig from his flask, then offered it to Shiro. 

Shiro took the flask and clutched it in his hands for a long time. 

"There are so many people who have so much more experience and are doing more important things, but the Garrison is making a huge deal about Kerberos. Yes, it'll be the farthest mission to-date, but that's what makes it weirder..."

"You think it's the PR machine at work?" Roy shrugged. "It'll be a long mission, but it shouldn't be a difficult one. Your worst problem will be boredom. And you've got the chops-- you're going to be a poster boy for awhile. Enjoy it if you can."

"You're right; I know... I..." Shiro shrugged and took a swig from the flask. He winced as his throat burned - apparently Roy liked petrol mixed with floor cleaner. 

Coughing, he returned the flask to Roy. 

Roy gave him a good thump on the back, not that it helped. 

"Hey, spend a decade being a poster boy, make everything look good even if it's routine and boring, then build a damned good crew and try for one of the long-term missions to go past everything we've already explored," Roy said. 

"Yeah--" 

"You should also probably work on that reaction. Have some time now?"

Shiro nodded, not quite realizing what he'd agreed to. 

Roy practically dragged Shiro back to the base and out the other side in one of the Garrison's jeeps. It was generally self-driving, but Roy turned that off in order to floor it along the flat length of highway to the town that both supported the Garrison and served as housing for much of its support staff. 

Shiro couldn't remember the last time he'd been into town or what it'd been for. He'd been to Matt's house enough times, but not lately. Even Matt had been staying at the Garrison more and more on weekends. When they'd been younger, though, they'd gone on weekend excursions and sometimes just had to jog to the town limits and back as part of physical training. 

Maybe he'd have to jog in one morning, before it got too hot. If he had time... He supposed he could skip a visit to the memorial. Spending time with Roy seemed to be making him feel better than meditating, anyway. 

Roy pulled the jeep into an open parking spot at the first bar on the left, then quietly set the autopilot for the return trip. 

This was Shiro's last chance to object, he realized. But he... probably did need this. Not just drinking practice, which was moderately silly, but to unwind and unclench a bit. He only had to worry about the chili on Tuesdays, and Roy--

"Come on--"

Shiro should not have been surprised by how many people in the bar he knew - most of them seemed to be playing games or watching sports on one of three televisions. He'd definitely not been very social... and was prone to following the cadet schedule of lights-out. 

"Shiro! I'll buy your first drink!"

"Shiro, welcome back! Bring any moon cheese?"

"Hey, Shiro! Play you next round!"

Shiro almost lost track of Roy, who mostly just stayed perched on a stool at the bar, drinking slowly and talking to the bartender. There were too many things to do - shoot pool badly, throw darts badly, get teased about how little he knew about professional sports despite being in such good physical shape. A couple of beers turned into enough that he didn't really care how ridiculous he was being and it felt pretty good. At least, and thankfully, no one offered him anything as noxious as what Roy drank. 

~*~

It was definitely morning when Shiro woke up. But the sun still wasn't quite in the right place. And--

Neither were the windows or the walls or the bedside table or--

He tried to sit up too fast and the immediate pain in his head forced him right back down. 

Shiro closed his eyes and took a quick inventory. Not in Matt's room. Oh-- Roy! He was probably in Roy's room. In Roy's bed. Not... wearing all of his clothing. 

That... was a little awkward. Not because of Roy, but because Shiro would rather remember-- 

"Shiro?"

Shiro rolled slowly over and opened his eyes to Roy standing in the doorway with a brown bag and a couple of cups of coffee in a holder. 

"You look like you probably feel," Roy added with a chuckle. "When you're up to moving, there's coffee and breakfast. Not homemade, luckily."

"Okay."

"If you don't remember where your clothes are, they're over there--" Roy nodded towards the other side of the room, then turned and ambled off. 

Slowly, Shiro got to his feet. His head didn't hurt as badly if he moved slowly and getting dressed wasn't entirely horrible once he started. 

Roy's kitchen area consisted of a mini-fridge, hot plate, small sink, and a card table with folding chairs wedged against the wall. It was better than Shiro had ever managed - he had to give Roy credit for that. 

"I got you a couple aspirin, too," Roy said from where he sat, eating. "But you did seem to have a good time..."

"I don't really remember the end," Shiro admitted as he sat. The coffee and the aspirin were first on his agenda, followed by a paper container of food. "I think I'd rather remember things..."

"What's the last thing you remember?" Roy asked. He looked far too amused. 

"Someone's sportsball team won and we all were cheering..." Shiro racked his brain for anything after that. "Maybe a little bit of the drive back, and pointing at the stars?"

"You told me every single one you want to visit. And even had all the constellations right," Roy confirmed. "Is that the last thing?"

Shiro nodded. His stomach was at least letting him eat. That was good. 

"You're very fun and friendly when tipsy, and I figured you'd feel about how you feel, possibly worse, this morning so I thought you'd be better off not alone."

"Oh... And..." There was no unawkward way to ask, Shiro realized. Might as well just put it out there... "And my clothing?"

"You stripped down, hopped in bed and... were snoring in about thirty seconds," Roy said with a chuckle. 

"Oh..." Shiro looked down at his food for a long moment. Was he... a little disappointed? "That's definitely embarrassing but less embarrassing than not remembering..."

Now he just felt himself blushing. 

"Wouldn't have done my ego any favors either," Roy replied after a long moment. When Shiro glanced up at him, Roy was just eating normally. 

"Um..."

"And I'd want you to remember it." 

For a few seconds, Shiro was sure he wasn't blushing because blood was suddenly rushing in a very different direction. He was probably going to win an award for inexperienced awkwardness at any time. Honestly, he'd thought himself past all of that.

"Hey, I'll make it an open offer," Roy added with a little shrug. "As friends. You're heading to Kerberos, after all, and have better prospects anyway. I'm..."

"Roy..." 

Nope. Despite his best effort at trying to figure out what to say, Shiro was utterly stuck. After about thirty awkward seconds, he just kinda smiled and went back to his food. Hopefully that said enough. 

After breakfast, Shiro sprawled on Roy's sofa while Roy stayed at the table and graded tests. Every now and then, he'd read one of the more hilariously wrong answers out loud and Shiro was glad it didn't hurt that badly to laugh. It felt good to relax like this, even if it was more recovery than anything. The daily grind would start back up the next day-- Yet another physical, debriefing, briefing, simulator time, exercise...

As Shiro looked at his schedule on a tablet he'd borrowed from Roy, he realized one very important thing. 

"They've scheduled out my free time."

"Make new free time."

"I have a couple of short breaks." Shiro frowned. "I guess I can meditate between the cafeteria marigolds or something. Whatever's left of them."

"Find your zen or whatever in the simulator. You're trained for pretty much everything--"

"True." Shiro poked at the schedule a bit more. "And something always gets cancelled."

~*~

Nothing got cancelled and by midday Friday, Shiro was more than a little frustrated. Hopefully, with Kerberos under his belt, he'd be allowed to have a life again and this was just a one-time thing. A reporter had asked him about his hobbies and he'd nearly been stumped. 

Matt, when Shiro caught up to him at lunch, didn't seem to be doing any better. 

"I think I'm going to enjoy being at the other end of the solar system from all of this," he said as he flopped down at the table. He had a full tray of food, but he didn't touch it for a couple of minutes, during which he just stared up at the ceiling. 

"Um-- Matt?"

"I just need to do nothing for a bit, okay? Kind of like how you meditate when you can, but possibly with less thinking..."

"But meditation is--"

"Have you had any time to do nothing this week?" Matt asked as he shifted in his chair and finally grabbed his fork. 

"No, not at all," Shiro admitted. "I didn't even get a new program made for Keith. I didn't even get to think about a a new program for Keith. Last week, I'd thought about doing our space hops with a lot of landings and launches, but it's all..."

He made a little hand gesture like everything popping and dissolving into nothing like a firework. 

"Me too. I got asked if I had a girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever and was just... 'When would I have time for that?!' which was probably not what the poor reporter was expecting," Matt muttered. "Hopefully that doesn't get in the article. I mean, it was just to kind of give me a life, I guess. But I don't have a life and I think I want a life."

"We'll get our private lives back. This is just necessary preparation," Shiro reminded him between bites of his own meal. "Each mission should get a little easier, but right now we're both in the spotlight and they want to make sure we can handle whatever comes our way."

"I know-- Hey, did you get the girlfriend question?" 

Shiro frowned. He hadn't, actually. It was probably coming, though. He'd dated, in the past, and had a few somewhat unimpressive points of reference with both women and men, but... "No, and probably for the better. Besides, even if-- well, we're going to be gone for a long time..."

"Less than a year!" Matt shook his head and frowned. "Okay, that's still a long time. I hadn't actually considered that aspect yet and suddenly some of the more awkward questions I've been asked during the physicals actually make sense.

"This isn't something I want to be thinking about during lunch. About a mission we're going on with my dad... 

"Shirooooo..."

Matt pushed his tray aside and put his head down on the table. 

Shiro just exhaled and tried not to laugh. 

That evening, after dinner and one last round of being re-measured for his deep space gear, Shiro was finally ready to head out and... meet Roy? Meditate? Leave offerings for people he didn't know? 

Definitely not drink any of whatever Roy was drinking...

He was three steps out of the Garrison when the alarms started going off. 

Turning, he ran back in and to the first information screen he could find. A pair of kids had gone for a walk earlier in the day and not returned to town. With the sun setting, it was assumed they were somewhere in the mountains and possibly lost...

There was only one thing to do-- he ran for the hangar. Sure, it wasn't exactly the Garrison's job, but it was something they could do.

There was only one atmospheric plane left when he arrived and he waved to the ground crew that he'd take it. He had a jumpsuit in hand in seconds and had suited up even faster. 

"You fly, I'll search!"

"Keith?" Shiro was surprised to see him run up, but...

"It's okay for the cadets to help," someone commented. "A bunch just went out in the ATVs with the instructors."

Shiro nodded and climbed up to start on pre-flight while Keith suited up. 

"You've been up before, haven't you?" Shiro questioned after Keith climbed in and he lowered the plane's canopy. "I know I should know, but..."

"Yeah, a few times. Don't worry about me," Keith replied. Shiro could hear him strapping in. 

The plane handled differently from a spacejet, but Shiro didn't have any problems with it. It wasn't a fighter by any means, but it was fast and agile. Shiro flicked through comms until he found the channel everyone was using. So far no luck, but he quickly received coordinates of where to start his part of the search. 

"I'm going to have to watch for our teammates," he told Keith. "You watch for the lost kids."

"Gotcha."

For a few minutes, Shiro just flew low over the land in silence. He knew Keith was busy looking for the lost children and he had his own radar and screens to watch. 

However... another plane came in close, sliding right into formation. 

"Any luck over there?"

Shiro nearly startled to hear Roy's voice. 

"Nothing so far, Skull Leader," Shiro replied quickly. He knew he'd hear about it for using Roy's old, old callsign but it just came out so naturally... 

Roy laughed. "You keep looking. I'm going to check on some of the others. Keep me updated." 

And then Roy's plane sped off. 

"Wow," Keith murmured from the back. 

"Yeah," Shiro echoed. Why Roy wasn't still flying... No, it wasn't the time to think about that. 

A half hour later, they'd still had no luck and neither had any of the other groups. Shiro was sure they'd covered the entire area they'd been assigned, but until they received other orders, there was nothing to do but keep looking in the same places. But if the kids had taken shelter in something like The Memorial, they wouldn't be visible. Of course, they'd have to have heard the planes at such a low altitude... 

The sun was setting far too quickly. 

Finally, there was a joyful call over the radio: "We've got them!"

The channel broke into a fit of chatter, but Shiro held his position. 

"Nowhere near where we are," Keith commented. 

"We're all heroes tonight," Shiro reminded him. Finally, Roy got space to order everyone back in. 

The hangar was a flurry of activity when they disembarked. Shiro didn't see Roy-- no, he'd probably be the last one in. But there were people everywhere, especially instructors. 

"Iverson already assigned all the cadets to do all the cleanup because some stupid cargo pilot couldn't keep his mouth shut," Keith's friend Max said as he walked over to them. 

"I don't mind," Keith replied quickly and with a little shrug. "It's good practice."

"You say that now--"

"Good job out there," Shiro said quickly to Keith, since it looked like Max was about to drag him off. 

"Thanks for taking me up. I..."

"Next time you're flying, though." Shiro gave Keith a firm pat on the shoulder, then let him be led away. Shiro suspected Keith would be smiling all night. 

Finally, Roy's plane came taxiing into the hangar. Shiro couldn't help but smile - and he definitely wanted to ask Roy if they could go out flying again-- just for fun. 

Shiro peeled off his jumpsuit. Well, he'd certainly need a shower-- And he found his discarded uniform jacket and bag of things he'd meant to take out to the mountains. He'd have to save them for another day. There weren't any telltale marigolds in there, at least. 

A little unsure of what else to do, Shiro just waited while Roy ruffled the hair of the cadet who'd been flying with him, then gave a quick report to Iverson. He knew Roy had noticed him, at least. There'd been one little 'wait just a minute longer' gesture thrown in with his other minor gesticulations. 

Finally, Roy seemed free and Shiro walked over to him. 

"I want to do that again," he said quickly. "Minus the emergency, I mean, but flying..."

"Sure you can schedule me in?"

"Absolutely necessary for training," Shiro replied with a smile. "Also, I guess I'm not hiking anywhere tonight. I mostly need a shower..."

Roy shrugged. "Use mine. Do you have your schedule for next week yet? We'll figure out where to work something in."

Shiro nodded. That had been impressively smooth. And he absolutely appreciated that. 

While he showered, Roy found him a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that ended up being absolutely skintight on him, but Shiro couldn't complain about being clean and comfortable. He also hadn't realized exactly how much adrenaline he'd been running on and now that it was wearing off, he was settling further and further into Roy's sofa while Roy detailed the search - and rescue - of the kids. 

"Still with me?" Roy asked cautiously. 

"Yeah, just... that all felt good, I guess, and now..." 

"Coming down from the high?" Roy suggested. Shiro just nodded. 

Carefully, Roy set aside the tablet he'd been using to show topography and then leaned to not-so-carefully kiss Shiro. 

Oh-- Surprisingly, kissing Roy was not awkward. It took a couple seconds to remember to lean in and reciprocate, but once he did, it was nice. There was something different about it that Shiro didn't think he could explain, but it was a nice, comfortable kiss. He could taste the beer Roy had been drinking; Shiro had stuck to water. And that one kiss turned into a series and finally, when Shiro shifted just a bit, Roy pulled back. 

"Shiro?"

"I'm okay," Shiro said quickly. "That was--"

Roy's expression was fairly unreadable, but Shiro was pretty sure he knew what Roy was thinking. 

"I spend a lot of time with scientists. And they always need more information and more samples," Shiro added. 

Chuckling, Roy nodded. "We can do that. But maybe... somewhere other than this poor sofa?"

"Yeah--"

Roy's bed was far more comfortable than the sofa, definitely. And the last lingering thoughts that this was silly and pointless were drifting away as Roy kissed him again. As he kissed Roy. They probably both needed this more than either of them were ever going to admit, after all. Well, Shiro knew he wasn't going to say anything. Roy already saw through him--

He shifted so that he was half on top of Roy and tangled one hand up into Roy's shaggy blond hair. While Shiro had only bothered with a single layer, Roy still had on the hooded sweatshirt that he'd pulled on after his own shower, which was quickly getting in the way of the line of kisses he was making down Roy's neck. 

"Shiro..." Roy's voice was a bit rough and Shiro felt it straight through his body.

"Hmmm?"

"Let me..." 

Shiro rolled onto his back after a gentle shove from Roy. A moment later, Roy was over him, looking down. 

"You've done this before?"

"Awkwardly but enthusiastically," Shiro admitted. There was no point in asking Roy the same - there was no hesitation on his behalf. Roy just chuckled and then kissed him again, deep and hard and Shiro stopped tasting Roy's beer and just surrendered to the feeling. He was rock hard and with Roy pressed against him, he was sure that Roy was well aware of his situation. And yet, Shiro didn't really want to stop kissing Roy. This could last for hours, for days... Sorry can't go to Kerberos, too busy making out with another pilot...

Shiro moaned when Roy's fingers slipped up under the hem of his shirt and found skin. Yes, he was probably wearing way too much shirt. He'd have to stop kissing Roy to take it off, though. That wouldn't be remotely fair, would it? 

Roy seemed to know what Shiro was thinking, though, and pulled back enough to let Shiro squirm out of the tight, dark fabric. Shiro reached for Roy's sweatshirt but paused when Roy froze for a moment. 

"Can't promise you'll like what you see--" Roy was obviously trying to keep his tone light.

Blinking, it took Shiro a second to realize what Roy meant, but he'd read the mission files. He'd read the accident reports. He'd seen Roy move stiffly and obviously, there had to be a reason that a pilot who could fly circles around the second-best the Garrison had to offer was teaching and not preparing for Kerberos himself. 

"Then turn the lights off and... well, awkward but enthusiastic, I suppose." 

"Most of the lights," Roy said with a chuckle as he climbed off the bed and circled to turn on the bedside table light and turn off the much-brighter overhead light. Shiro hesitated to shed any more clothing, even as Roy finally tugged off the sweatshirt and hung it over a chair before returning to the bedside table for a quick rummage in its single drawer. 

Shiro took a deep breath and reminded himself that he didn't need to be perfect, or in control. He could just... be himself and-- 

Once Roy was back on the bed, Shiro reached for him and tugged him close. He'd just been so... Of course Roy had noticed. Roy had noticed weeks ago. 

Shiro kissed him once, then twice, winding his fingers up into Roy's hair and then trailing them lower. Yes, he needed this. He needed to relax and just let things _be_. 

Roy didn't need his own dark shirt-- Shiro was sure he just needed his mouth on Roy's neck, on his shoulder... This time, Roy let him and in the dim light, Shiro could see scars but they meant nothing compared to the bitten-back moan in Roy's throat. 

He could feel Roy now, as he shifted a bit to pull his body closer. That provoked a soft groan of his own. Shiro _wanted_ , and was nearly a bit surprised at himself. 

Another kiss, skin against skin, hands pushing lower-- Roy wasn't gentle as he stroked Shiro's cock through his borrowed sweatpants; Shiro didn't want him to be. 

"Roy--" Shiro managed as he tried and failed to figure out Roy's belt-buckle solely by touch. 

"Yeah." Roy pushed Shiro fully onto his back, shifted, and undid his pants as he sat up enough to pull them down and off, along with everything he'd been wearing beneath. "You too..." 

Shiro nodded, distracted, before raising his hips enough to hook both sweatpants and undershorts in one motion. He wasn't sure where they landed. He just knew that his mouth belonged against Roy's and that his hands and Roy's hands and their cocks-- 

He gasped when their cocks touched, Roy's hand around them both. One of his own hands was on Roy's back, the other he pushed between them, against Roy's hand and wet with their precome. He stroked them both together, and Roy pressed lower, down past where their balls touched. 

"Please," Shiro murmured, half against Roy's mouth. Kissing had gotten too complicated. He'd forgotten what this was like. 

He parted his legs for Roy, knees up as Roy settled between them, slick fingers barely pausing to let Shiro even breathe. Roy seemed to _get_ him and know what he needed-- 

He gasped when Roy's fingers found pleasure within him. Shiro had moved to stroke his own cock, almost too-slowly, barely focused on it but instead on Roy's expression of amused concentration. 

"Right there?" Roy questioned. Shiro just nodded, muttered, something... Roy pressed against that spot again, rubbing, softer, harder, and Shiro was sure all words were lost to him as he came not long after, hot and white and just gone from the world. 

By the time Shiro caught his breath, Roy had grabbed one of their discarded shirts and had wiped him up a bit. 

"Roy?" 

"Hmm? Need to give my leg just a moment," Roy admitted, shaking his head. 

"Ahh--" 

Shiro shook his own head. He'd caught a glimpse of those scars, yes. 

"Let me?" he offered, easing Roy onto his back, offending leg stretched out. He knelt to kiss Roy's half-hard cock before taking it into his mouth. Shiro knew he wasn't much good at this, but he'd happily try. He'd promised enthusiasm, at least, to go with the awkwardness. And oh, he'd already come far too quickly from what probably wasn't much. 

"Shiro..." 

He could feel Roy hardening in his mouth; it was an interesting sensation and one he'd like to feel again. His own body wasn't quite ready to echo Roy's, but there was always science... More information, may need to repeat experiments. 

His hair wasn't long enough for Roy's fingers to do more than brush against, but it didn't matter. The touch was reassuring that he wasn't doing too badly. He could certainly take Roy deeper into his mouth without any trouble, but he wasn't sure what would be too much. Maybe another time... 

Shiro licked his lips as he pulled back. Roy was hard, and Shiro had an idea. He was still slick from Roy's fingers and whatever lube he'd used. That would be enough-- 

"Shiro?" 

"Let me--" He crawled up to straddle Roy's hips and reached down to guide Roy's cock to his anus, willing himself to relax and slowly move down. 

Roy swore, low, as the tip of his cock pressed past muscle and in. Shiro just kept going, definitely slick enough, with little motions until he'd been fully penetrated. He felt full, and good, and his own cock was suddenly half-hard again. 

Shiro took a deep breath, echoing Roy's little smile. And then he moved, letting Roy fill him again and again. This wasn't his first time but already... Roy reached to stroke Shiro's cock, fingers wet again, slick and warm and Shiro groaned at the contact. He just kept moving, hoping it was good for Roy and enjoying how good it was for himself. 

He nearly missed Roy warning him-- it was a warning, wasn't it --that he was going to come, but Shiro didn't pull away. It was fine; he wanted Roy to come in him, hot and with Roy's hands grabbing at his hips, guiding him faster and harder. He wanted-- 

Shiro rode Roy through his orgasm, and only once Roy stopped shaking did he let Roy finish stroking him to his own. 

He was sure he was a mess, but Shiro didn't mind. He needed to kiss Roy, and thank him... Roy saw him so clearly... 

At least they mostly managed to clean up before falling asleep. Shiro wasn't sure if he was supposed to say anything, or even actually stay, but... Well, Roy wasn't kicking him out. 

"Definitely enthusiastic," Roy mumbled as he tugged blankets over them both. 

"Hopefully not that awkward," Shiro replied. That seemed to be enough. 

~*~

Shiro didn't remember Roy setting an alarm, but he was glad for it nonetheless. Stretching, he bumped against Roy, who shifted, beneath the blankets, to look at Shiro. 

"Grab a shower," Roy mumbled. "I'll start on coffee." 

Shiro was sure he should protest but instead he nodded. A shower would be good, as would coffee before he ran off get started on another endless day. 

Well, shower first. The rest didn't need to be talked about. It wasn't that kind of relationship. 

Shiro crawled out of bed and towards the bathroom, reaching to grab his borrowed clothing along the way. It would get him back to his quarters, at least, and then be returned later. Only official gear for the day; had to be photographed in it. 

The smell of coffee lured him back out of the shower after just over a handful of minutes. But he was clean, his mind was clear, and coffee would cure any lingering ills. 

"Got another long day?" Roy asked as he offered Shiro a mug. 

"Yeah, but I think it'll be okay," Shiro replied. "I..." 

How to explain himself without sounding utterly like a dolt-- 

"I know the feeling." Roy chuckled. "Any time you get a chance, do your meditation, stick with what makes you comfortable..." 

"But--" 

"Including the stuff you didn't realize _was_ comfortable." 

It was Shiro's turn to chuckle. 

"I'd stay, but..." he managed, as he glanced around for anything he might be forgetting. Just his jacket and bag of offerings. Hopefully he'd be forgiven; the living were more important.

"You probably had to be somewhere five minutes ago?" 

"In five minutes," Shiro replied. Not quite, but close. "I'll bring your mug back?" 

"Any time you want," Roy replied, hoisting his own mug. 

Shiro was going to take him up on that. 

~*~ 

Three days before launch, Shiro stared out at the sunset from the rocky outcrop, calm. He'd straightened up the now-elaborate shrine and lit two sticks of incense, already nearly burned down, the twin-tails of which were twirling up to the sky. Everything was good. Equipment was good, crew was good, except for a bit of lingering muttering from Matt... Everything was filed and waiting. He'd already left what would hopefully be months of simulator missions for Keith and Max... Hopefully Keith would be okay. They'd gotten to talk quite a bit, a few times, and he could tell Keith needed someone in his life to believe in him. Maybe when he got back, he could do a little more... 

"That's a nice sunset." 

"Yeah," Shiro replied as he glanced over to make sure he'd left room for Roy. 

"You should take some pictures..." 

Shiro nodded. He probably should. Only a couple more days and then... just a lot of darkness and routine and old movies and science... No sunsets, no wincing at the poor marigolds, no debating over flavors of chapstick... 

"Any other advice?" Shiro asked after a long moment of quiet. He was looking at the sky and he knew Roy was, too. 

"No. You got this. Have fun with it." 

Not quite what Shiro was expecting, but... 

"Yeah, I will." 

One tail of incense vanished, then the other. The sky began to turn purple. 

"Have any time off before launch?" Roy questioned. 

Shiro paused before answering. He probably shouldn't risk one of their bar trips, but... 

"What do you have in mind?" 

"I think we could squeeze in another flight..." 

Shiro looked over and met Roy's smile. 

Yeah, he could do that. That and everything that came after. 

"Let's fly."


End file.
